Laughs of the week

The only late-night shows I (loosely) follow are The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. After seeing these two clips, however, I might just add Jimmy Kimmel Live to the list. The first clip is Portia De Rossi's Prop 8 PSA, and the second clip, well, made me laugh until I cried and my stomach hurt. Enjoy!

Realitätsfremd

“It could have been worse.”

That is how John Thain, CEO of Merrill Lynch, defends his request for a $10 million bonus for 2008. Under his watch, the company’s stock performance burnt through billions of investors’ money. Under his watch the company needed to sell itself to Bank of America to ward off a Lehmann Brothers-like scenario. Goldman Sachs, not nearly faring as poorly as Merrill Lynch, will not pay out bonuses to senior management. And yet Thain feels he deserves the moolah because it could have been worse.

I was dumbstruck.

English has, by far, the largest vocabulary amongst the European languages. Despite that, you occasionally are at a loss of words when confronted with an outrageous situation, such as this.

I scoured my mind (and thesaurus) for a single word that encompasses the delusion that Thain must be experiencing. Initially, I thought that it was my being sick, and not a lack of words, that stopped me. Then hubby saved the day…

Realitätsfremd – German. Out of touch with reality, in the sense of being estranged from reality. Marie Antoinette-esque delusion.

I could have simply used the word delusion, but there is a marginal, yet significant, difference in meaning. Thain seems to find his success in how much more of a failure he could have been.

Sad. Very sad.

Let’s get it on… Let them eat cake!

Let’s get it on…
I know this is another article about pastors and sex, but I could not resist commenting on Reverend Ed Young’s advice. Simply put, Rev. Young believes it is time to “put God back in the bed” by means of a week of “congregational copulation”.

Before you call up your fellow parishoners and set up a holy orgy, I should clarify that the reverend’s advice is intended to help promote and improve monogamous marriage (sorry Utah). He delivered this message in front of and on a large bed. To really bring the point home, his wife was with him in jeans and **GASP** knee high black boots.

In all earnestness, the message is not completely silly. I do believe that a healthy sex life is vital in any relationship. The key in it, however, is that the sex should be fun and spontaneous, not forced. If you need orders from a reverend to have a reason to want to have sex with your partner, then you have issues that a week of pastor-prescribed fornication most likely will not solve.

Let them eat cake!
Unsurprisingly, this advice is aimed solely at married members of the congregation. I think it is a safe bet that one could extend that description to heterosexual, married members. The reverend went all Marie Antoinette on everyone else. His exact words:

I don’t know, try eating chocolate cake.

Er, excusez-moi? He did not just compare sex to chocolate cake, did he? Oh, yes he did. You hear that Lindsay Lohan? When you get an urge to do the mattress mambo, head to the kitchen for some chocolate cake instead.

Oxymoron of the Year

For the past few months, it seemed that Bush, a.k.a. Procrastinating Destructor Supreme, was playing catch-up to actually accomplish something positive. According to Tina Brown, that is no longer the case. All that is on Bush’s mind is his library.

Bush? Library? Does something not sound off? Are those two terms not mutually exclusive? I think it should be called the “George W. Bush Presidential Lie-barry”. Yup, that sounds much better. Underneath the library name it should read a play on Brown’s description – House of Horrors and Half-Truths.

Obama planning world's biggest harem

If there is a positive that comes out of all the nonsensical fear-mongering from the GOP, it is that they have provided a goldmine for satirists worldwide. Here is a clip ridiculing some of the claims made about Obama during the election campaign.

Get the latest news satire and funny videos at 236.com.

OCW a.k.a. POCC

This is a public health announcement. There is currently a condition quickly spreading through America: OCW - Obama Campaign Withdrawal, also known as POCC - Post Obama Campaign Confusion.

The Onion has released the following report identifying the symptoms. If you know anyone experiencing them, please bring them to the doctor yourself. They will not go of their own accord as they believe they still need to campaign!

Poking fun at the GOP's campaign one last time

Just a quick thought before I go to sleep...

The Redskins (by way of their game against the Steelers) predicted that Obama will win tonight's election. If they turn out to be correct, does that make them anti-American?

**lol**

UPDATE:
LeftLeaningLady: "Nah, it makes them the Blueskins."

Ha! Brilliant!

Favourite Election '08 Videos

Here are a few funny Election '08 clips to help calm down the election day jitters:

Only the Japanese...

...would come up with a toy/commercial like this. This is a commercial for those electronic pets taken to the next level.

WARNING: Not safe for work!

The contents of the video are not explicit, so to speak, but you might want to lower the volume if you do not want others around you to think you are watching Japanese porn. =P

Getting Punk'd by Canadians

Wow - a couple of days away from the news and so much happens! As SWC correctly guessed, I found this prank very amusing. 'Ustler's Nailin Palin - Hahahahahahaha!!!!!

Hmmm... A Republican being pranked by Canadians with a joke involving foreign leaders. Does that remind you of someone else? Watch the video below - he makes his appearance starting at 1:53. Huckabee and Gore also get pranked, and I love the kid at the end of the clip!

(For non-Canadians, Rick Mercer is a Canadian political satirist, similar to Jon Stewart, only he has been at it for much, much longer. Poutine is not the name of a Prime Minister, but an inherently Canadian specialty consisting of Fries topped with cheese smothered in gravy. Delicious!)

The Muppet Felon

I am not sure how this works elsewhere, but when you see a quick, small flash of red on your right whilst driving in Germany, you have been photographed speeding. Within the following six months you would receive a letter outlining your fines and/or points of Flensburg (home of the national database of traffic violations), complete with your picture and a form you can send in if you believe that the person in the picture is not you. Hubby received on of these in September. He is pictured quite clearly, scratching his nose **lol** . I was sitting beside him, but I was blurred out.


Someone driving a British car in Bavaria has had a bit of fun with these speeding cameras. A life-sized Muppet doll (most likely Animal) was placed on the front passenger seat - the driver's seat in continental Europe - and was caught driving 155 kph in a 120 kph zone of the autobahn.

I initially found this funny, but apparently the driver has done the same thing for several traffic cameras. This showed that the driver knew the authorities cannot pursue him/her because of the foreign license plate. Potentially endangering others on the road for the sake of a joke - not funny.

Lions and tigers and...

...pot smoking, gay loving Canadians! Oh my!
























(cartoon from mapleleafweb.com)

A Look Back at Bill and Bush

WARNING: Not safe for work!

I always endeavour to end my day on a happy note. Thanks to Smashed Frog, who posted the video below on their blog, I was able to do just that.

You Have Two Cows: US Elections '08

Here is an abstract description of the US political landscape, courtesy of those two beloved cows...








Republican:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none and is hungry. So what?

Democrat:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none and is hungry. You vote people into place who address this basic inequality. Taxes are raised here and lowered there, revenues are rearranged, until you have a cow and a bull. You hire your neighbour to milk your cow, giving him the prospect of saving up for his own cow and bull. You feel righteous.

Reform:
You have two cows. You don't know that you have a neighbour who has none and is hungry. You get tax breaks from which you soon have 5000 cows, by which time your neighbour has died from hunger.

Green/Peace and Freedom Party:
You have two cows. Your neighbour has none and is hungry. You increase taxes until you have only one cow left and your neighbour got the cow you had to surrender for your tax burden.

You Have Two Cows: Politics and Social Principles Simplified

This is one of those jokes that I got forwarded to my email. I do not remember who sent this to me, but I thank them nonetheless.Politics Simplified
Feudalism:
You have two cows. Your lord takes a significant share of your milk.

Pure Socialism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

Bureaucratic Socialism:
You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need. You go hungry.

Fascism:
You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

Pure Communism:
You have two cows. Your neighbours help you take care of them and you all share the milk.

Russian Communism:
You have two cows. You have to take care of them but the government takes all the milk. You go hungry.

Cambodian Communism:
You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you. You would've been hungry, but you're dead.

Libertarian/Anarcho-Capitalism:
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

Social Principles Simplified
Dictatorship:
You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

Pure Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbours decide who gets the milk.

Proportional Representation Democracy:
You have two cows. A panel reflecting your neighbours' views argue at length who gets the milk and comes to no agreement. Months later, a compromise is drawn up where everyone gets orange juice.

Direct Representation Democracy:
You have two cows. Your neighbours pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

Bureaucracy:
You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you enough to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

Pure Anarchy:
You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbours try to take the cows and kill you.

Surrealism:
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

See? SEE? Even the cynic who penned this joke knows there is a difference between socialism and communism!!!

(photos from farmpower.com and tlarson.com respectively)

"I'm not Bush!"

Really Senator McCain? Your dance ability begs to differ. =)


(photos from news.bbc.co.uk and news.yahoo.com)

What Kind of Nerd Are You?

I found this cute quiz on Modern Mommy's blog. Hubby and I always knew we were nerds, but now we know what kind we are...

Me:

Social Nerd: You're interested in things such as politics, psychology, child care, and peace. I wouldn't go as far as to call you a hippie, but some of you are tree-huggers. You're the type of people who are interested in bettering the world. You're possibly the least nerdy of them all; unless you participate in other activities that paled your nerdiness compared to your involvement in social activities. Whatever the case, we could still use more of you around.

After that, in decreasing nerdiness, I'm a:
Science/Math Nerd
Literature Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Musician
Drama Nerd
Anime Nerd

Hubby:

Literature Nerd: Does sitting by a nice cozy fire, with a cup of hot tea/chocolate, and a book you can read for hours even when your eyes grow red and dry and you look sort of scary sitting there with your insomniac appearance? Then you fit this category perfectly! You love the power of the written word and its eloquence; and you may like to read/write poetry or novels. You contribute to the smart people of today's society, however you can probably be overly-critical of works. It's okay. I understand.

After that he's a:
Drama Nerd
Social Nerd
Science/Math Nerd
Gamer/Computer Nerd
Artistic Nerd
Anime Nerd
Musician


How about you? Take the quiz here.

(images from m3moore.wordpress.com and roeseann.blogspot.com respectively)

Palin's Debate Technique

If I had to describe this flow chart in three words they would be hilarious, sad, and accurate. It is so frightening that Sarah Palin is so close to being a heartbeat away from running a country.